Two thousand and fourteen.

So... my "life" recently has not been all that exciting.  It's been a month since I last updated this blog.  Which also means it has been a month since I last worked out.  I continued doing the tea detox and ate as mindfully as I could without getting my emotions involved.  I am down to 141 and maintaining that weight... which I think is around the most healthiest weight for me.  I haven't really taken any pictures of myself recently... just head shots... and God knows... we ALL love selfies:

Begin rant:
  I am SO sick of reading about people hating "selfies" and that people that take them are just "oh so self centered."  Do what I do... unfollow them.  It's not like a post a gazillion of them a day.  And if I did... so what... I would just scan over all of them like anything else that doesn't hold my interest.  You wanna know what else has deterred me from working out?... reading a comment that showed up on my Facebook wall implying that no ones workout is as HARD or as DIFFICULT as a specific workout that they have experienced and that those working on their fitness have no reason to complain.  YA KNOW WHAT... that REALLY got to me.  I haven't worked out since because why should I?  Apparently my workouts are not that hard or difficult and I shouldn't say anything about them.  I SHOULD use that as fuel to burn my ass off.  But it just really irritates me that there are people that are constantly AND consistently putting down others... at the sake of what?!  Themselves, really.  I shouldn't let it get to me, but I know it's personal.  However, I digress.  My workouts are HARD and they are DIFFICULT.  If they weren't, I would still be doing them.  But they ARE HARD and challenging and difficult... I have lost interest because people are assholes and have to constantly demean others just to get their HEAD a little bigger. 
End rant.

Therefore, I am going to start over and get back on track.  Because, I am human.  I do fall off the wagon.  I do let my emotions get the best of me... and quite frankly, December was awful.  I have started pushing people away and am just getting so sick of rejection (for many, many reasons).  I know it's all in my head, but that doesn't make it not real to me.

I am hoping for a more positive 2014.  I have started making changes and am only in contact with those that I find most supportive of me. 

In the mean time I have been gathering tools and resources so that I can be the most successful me when I do get back at it.  I know you're probably thinking to yourself.. well what are you waiting for?

Honestly?

For this negative feeling to subside.  I know I have mentioned before that being a social worker defines who I am.. and without that I feel like I am nothing.  This credentialing thing is taking far too long and I have started to seek out other avenues for obtaining a paycheck.  I am so behind on everything it's not even funny, which has obviously taken a toll on "doing me."  How the hell can I concentrate on anything when I don't know how I am going to survive; keep a roof over my head, food on the table, car on the road, etc.  I have cut everything back to only the necessities and with Christmas last month, it just took it's toll.  I'm hoping the office is ready for me this month because I am ready to get back it.  In the mean time, I AM looking elsewhere and elsewhere just isn't cutting it much lately.  All while trying to be mindful and live in the moment... which I have gotten VERY good at recently, because there's no point in worrying about paying for something when I ain't got the funds or a money tree.  I think it's frozen.  And it's not from a lack of trying. 

I've thought about going back to school and starting over, but that doesn't put food on the table or pay the mortgage, I'll just accumulate more debt.  Therefore, I have started applying for jobs that "interest" me, even if I don't qualify for them... such as a fitness coach.  I'm a quick learner, smart and a goal setter.  Tell me what to do and I'll go above and beyond what you expect.  I have a significant track record for that.  :) 

I want to truly thank those that have reached out and know how much I've lost motivation, my true friends for sending me class passes to my favorite workouts (which I have yet to attend :(), sending me an e-book on meditation and running, giving me shoutouts for being their inspiration, for texting me on the "how to's" and asking for my advice, etc.  I thank you from the bottom of my heart and I promise you that I will show you who's boss in 2014, once I find my motivation that I seemed to have left behind in two thousand and thirteen.

<3

 ooops.. a "selfie".  Piss off...