Wake Me Up

"Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can't tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start

They tell me I'm too young to understand
They say I'm caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes
Well that's fine by me"

... 

So I've been sleeping for like a week straight, literally.  This sickness has whooped my booty and it feels like I have been in a fog this whole entire time.  But that's okay, because a few things happened that may have felt like a dream but are becoming my reality!

First of all.. I had to go shopping... and this is what happened:

my butt fell down.

Looks like somebody needs to be doing some heavy duty (dooty?) squatting with some heavy duty metal!  Therefore, I have challenged Jeff and the girls to take on a "Grow a Bigger Booty Challenge" with me.  Who the heck eck would have ever thought that I would need to challenge myself to grow a butt, I mean really.  From J-Lo in high school to my mama ain't got no back in my almost 30s.  I used to picked on my mom saying, "I'd rather have a fat butt, than no butt."  I'm sorry mom.  This is my karma.  Karma takes awhile apparently.  Or gravity happened.  Whichever. 

But speaking of karma.  

I've had some good karma lately.  Remember how I said I was interviewing for a few jobs?  Yeah, well I have been offered all of them... to only turn them all down.  Then, these nice "cop" type people, (yeah, they exist ;)) put the word out for me for this position that would fit me entirely.  Well, I start next week as the Mental Health Therapist for Violence Intervention.  It's the perfect job for me; treating victims of crimes and it's the complete opposite from what I am used to.  I will enjoy being the go-to person when it comes to having to respond to crises and crimes that arise in the middle of the night or having to go to the hospital because someone was victimized (I say that now...)... So yeah, all of this time has finally paid off..  

And I know hindsight is 20/20 (especially Jeff's... if you could only bottle that stuff up;))... and I'm sure ALL of this "stuff" was a blessing in disguise.. to be able to be home with the boys and girls, to be able to attend basketball games and make sure that everything was done on time.. to be present during the adjustment phases of becoming a completely blended family.  If I was working 40 hours a week, it would have been difficult and chaotic and who knows what else... who really knows.  But it's over.  OVER.  I just wish I had an end date in sight when it all happened.  But that's how life works.  I just wish it was.. "Wake Me Up When It's All Over."  But that's not life.

Life is a series of moments; good ones, bad ones, happy ones, sad ones, anxious ones, helpless ones, hopeless ones, love-filled/hate-filled, wishing for the next best thing moments... It's hard not to dwell on whatever it is you are feeling.  But the reality is to simply be.  No need for worry, it doesn't really change anything except your mood and that will bring you down.  I knew not to worry and it was easier said than done at times, because of the moments and them catching up to me from time to time.  But holding it together, whatever that means, was key... or at least trying to.  In the beginning, that was rough... just like with any negative change, especially change that was out of your complete control and entirely blindsiding.  Nothing like waking up and having your identity completely taken away from you and having to go sit in your car on Market Street and cry to your boyfriend because "I told you she was like that."  Well, I didn't ask for it.  But, in the end... I don't ask for much.  Just a happy life.  And THAT, my friends, I can control.

"So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn't know I was lost"

So maybe I was lost.  Or we all were... 

And this was a higher beings way of taking it out on me to ground all of us.

To let us know what life truly is... 

what the definition of family means...