Saturday, November 2, 2013

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... or something like that.

So.. since "publishing" my blog (weird.. I have a blog, all the haters are prolly thinking... great, now she's writing about it)... so many people have inspired me to keep going in SO many ways.  In their inspiration and their words of praise many of them have asked me how I got started.  I started answering some of the messages and texts and realized, heck.. I can blog about it! 

Like I said it in my first post, I have started so many times.  So many times.  SOOOOO many times.  But what really got me going was a handful of things:

1).  The C25K program.  There are many apps that take the guess work out of it.  Back in the day (haha) when I started it I had to hand write it out and carry it to the treadmill with me.  Yep.  I started "running"... "wogging" (walking/jogging) back after I separated from my husband.  I needed something to take my mind off the pain, the rumors, the hurt, the change, the fact that my kid was going to have to be in banana splits... so, that was back in 2009/2010.  After each time I ran on the treadmill I wrote the distance and time it took.  I kept a log of it.  I used to have it but threw it away, I wish I didn't..  LOG everything.  I have so many notebooks around my house.  For real.  I love notebooks.
2).  An inspiring friend at the time.  That still inspires me.  Yet, she doesn't know it and I don't know how to tell her.  Maybe someday I can. 
3).  The Oneonta Running Group (ORG).  It wasn't the Oneonta Running Group at the time.  Even though I didn't join them often and still don't, their Facebook page inspires me to be a runner.  I guess I can call myself a runner.  I mean, I ran a half marathon once.  That will be a whole other blog.
4).  Pictures.  PICTURESpictures.  You may not feel change and you WILL get discouraged... so take pictures.  Do it.  Naked, half naked, fully dressed, sitting in front of the mirror, straight on, from the side, from behind.. every position.  For reals.  Put them in a folder on your computer and look at them when you aren't feeling so positive. 
5).  Hearthbreak.  Yup.  Heartbreak.  I knew that with the anger I had within me I could not project it as such.  I had to place it elsewhere, in a positive-medium.  Thank a higher being for heavy stuff, and I mean iron.. not liquor.. although, that would have been "easier" I think.  Start throwing heavy shit around.  Run.  That'll make you less pissed.  Until, of course, you feel like you can't run.. then you are too tired to be mad.  When that doesn't work, lift after running.  :)  That was me, last summer and I haven't looked back.
6).  Pinterest.  Pinterest has ideas and motivation for everything.  Quotes are my lifeline.  For some it's music, same thing.  I loooove quotes.  And yep, I have a notebook with quotes in it.  Nerd.


Wait, so what got me started?  Many things.  Physical and emotional.  I had hit rock bottom and didn't know where to look but up.  In that I KNEW I had to take care of myself.  I am therapist.  A mental health therapist and a damn good one at that.  I had to start practicing what I preach.  If I can't help myself then who can I help?  For reals.  No more hypocrisy.  I started living for me and my boys.  I incorporated them into my workouts, my runs, my diet, my whole entire life.  I didn't live for anyone else, but my little family.  I knew when facilitating groups and counseling that the reflections I gave to others I could easily give to myself.  I could see my patients from week to week and realize they were not incorporating the work that was done IN therapy outside of therapy.  I had to take a different approach.  Motivational interviewing baaa-by. 

Ugh.. what?

Positive self talk.  Motivation.  How motivated are you?  On a scale of 1-10 how much do you want to change?  How do you get to a higher number?  Why aren't you at a lower number?  It's all about motivation.

I struggle with motivation.

I JUST struggled with motivation.  The 2 year old needed a nap.  He was clearly overtired and didn't want to sleep.  I put him upstairs and he cried and cried and cried while I worked out.  Do you know how annoying it is to listen to a child cry and cry while you are trying to concentrate on reps and getting frustrated because you are winded?!  It sucks.  But, I knew that I was one workout away from feeling better.  So, I finished my workout, reminded him that I love him dearly (he wanted his blankey and if anyone knows Silas..."mommy do it" and I'm trying to stop that) and here I am.

So, what motivates me... what keeps me going?

Pictures.  The feel good feel after a workout.  Peoples' feedback.  YOUR words to me.  The way it lasts all day long, until the next workout.  The struggle.  The fact that I can do it and I will live.  Shit, I haven't died yet from a workout or a run... almost, but it hasn't happened yet.  You won't die either.

Some days it's a matter of just pushing the "play" button on the DVD player.  Believe me, there are days where there has been too much stuff on my mind, the 2 year old feeling he needed to be underneath me during a plank, and I've had to shut it off.  And that's okay.  I don't look back.  I don't give up.  I just do it again.  AND again.... AND AGAIN. 

I follow programs that are written out and obvious.. taking the guess work out of it.  What I am struggling with right now is knowing how much to eat.  There's soo much science to it.  I know baseline is to burn more than you consume, but you don't want to go into starvation mode either.  So, I am listening to my body and feeding it when it's hungry.. and then some.  I drink lots of water and pee wayyyy more than I ever have.  EVER.  And I hate it.  But, I tell myself that there's a reason for it.  It means my body is working and the toxins are leaving my body.

Back to the whole "positive self talk" thing.  It works.  You tell yourself you can't do something or be something, you start believing yourself.  You tell a kid they are worthless and not college material or they are gonna end up like so and so, they can start to believe it... (maybe that will be another blog in itself...sheesh).. OR you can do the opposite.. tell yourself that you can do it.  And then... for some reason (whatever yours may be)... you just do it.

No wonder Nike is a multibillionaire company.  They are right on.  JUST DO IT.

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